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There is entirely too much going on here. Not out. First message: Lol that seminar was really something haha lmao. Bio: Older dom top. Their chat history looks like a cross between an Oscar Nominations list and the Hitler Youth. Thanks for playing.

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That five-minute space between messages is very loaded. He is most certainly a boy, ladies and gents. Mr Grey will see you now. Bio: Left blank to avoid being caught out, which just makes them seem more suspicious. You know what? Bio: Looking for love, not one night stands!! Bio: Top. No fats.

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First message: Hiya! These guys are conflicting. With toys and props that bring a tear to the eye just looking at them, he lives for the riding crop and puppy mask. Bio: Will usually contain his postcode. If this is the case then honey you are in for a wild ride let me tell you this much.

In the meal that is your Grindrthe dick-pic-broadcaster is the carbohydrate. Both vers. Bio: Just a chilled guy not interested in aggro. Mainly into younger. Look we are not about kink-shaming here, but there is something undeniably sinister about someone sliding in your DMs asking to buy your actual faeces.

Never play together.

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Two words: Wet. Uses too many emojis. I must say I have never had this encounter myself and I always find an affair with a married man to be either dull as dishwater or something that would slam Sean Cody into the ground.

A noble endeavour indeed, although their consistent presence will make you actually hate cock. Wonder what he means? Except this will never happen, and do you know why?

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First message: Not into Asian guys sorry. Both really nice I promise!! Bio: Visiting, in Melbourne next week, hmu. Do I block him? Nah mate I go to another uni… In Australia… bummer right?

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Drama tends to follow these guys, personal advice, avoid. This man is who Grindr was invented for. Wanna get rammed in the back of a car? This is a Grindr hookup and I am a university student I do not care about your marriage woes I merely want my hole. Bio: Open relationship. You have no intention of seeing him again, regardless of how excellent and convincing your performance was. First message: Nice smile!

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He knows that the horny bottoms of his local area are, though, and ultimately he just wants to branch out a bit. Might just read a book instead. Hey… Heyyyyyyy. I really love how shiny your eyes are and how good your skin looks and…. You will cave in and do it again, but only the once.

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Silly boy. U av mor?

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Dog memes are the way to my heart. Bio: Will you be the Sean to my Cody? The cycle is cruel and vicious.

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He will not stop messaging you until you concretely say no. Sean is on the left, Craig on the right. You poor sweet little lamb. You do so, and in return, he will reveal himself to be either much fitter or much uglier than you were expecting. Better with a straight married guy but overall not worth it, avoid where necessary, see discreet married guy. However, whether both actors of this couple will actually be down for a non-monogamous and sexually liberated shag fest entirely questionable.

I love reading, red wine and Selena Gomez. No femmes. Except the faceless torso is not satirical. Take it or leave it.

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He wants to fuck. How you doing?

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First message: Up for round 2? First message: Wanna come over for a horny fuck sesh? Bio: Just a little sub piggy here looking to be told how bad I am. Love your picture! First message: Heyyy??? You thought the incredibly fit model feet away from you is a genuine gay man looking for a quick shag like you?

This will lead to tears. Bio: Looking for right now. You ran over to his house because you were just that desperate to see a penis and in the cold light of post-nut clarity you realised it was a bad call. Like the escort, this man is out here dodging the Grindr popo to get what he wants. You scroll through his pics, certain that he must be a catfish, but he checks out. There are several yikes in this bio and when you merge them all together they make a big yikes. Bio: We never play alone. Just a preference!

Like right now. Looking for friends, dates, maybe more with the right guy. The classique — the holy pillar upon which Grindr was built. First message: Helloooooo! He ignores even this, so you block him in embarrassment.

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Grindr is actually alright. You have to hand it to this man. His Instagram is linked, his bio has normal things written in it, and he has multiple pictures of his actual human face in it. Weird fucking tears. First message: What you into?

Pics on request. First message: Dick pic? First message: He will never message you lmao are you joking? First message: I can give you a real workout….

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Not fun, avoid where possible. Looking for a good little sub boy who will do what I say. Welcome to the Grindr lottery.

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Bio: Just looking for a nice guy to take home to my parents. Bio: Looking for drinks and dates. Followed up by four nudes of obviously different people.