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Money trouble is commonly cited as one of the major reasons people break up; a study by LearnVest found that nearly on in four 24 percent of Americans have split with a partner because of financial issues. It would appear that the weight of debt and lack of a safety net are particularly problematic, with the study noting that the top financial goals people had for their ificant others were to pay down debt 51 percent and build up savings 44 percent.


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Men with higher incomes showed stronger preferences for women with slender bodies, while women with higher incomes preferred men who had a steady income or made similar money, according to a new survey of 28, heterosexual men and women aged between 18 and The study was conducted by researchers at Chapman University in Orange, Calif. The researchers interviewed people in an online questionnaire about qualities they find important in a partner.

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When men and women endorsed these traditional gender roles early in a relationship, undoing those views in marriage was difficult.

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Read: The five years that changed dating. Just as noteworthy, the LGBTQ interviewees set up the expectations of equality from the outset of dating, not after it. This approach shifted their understanding of what was possible for intimate relationships, and they, for the most part, had more equal, long-term relationships as a result.

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That goes right in line with my theory of the person I consider my equal. But as the relationship progressed, the men I spoke with held persistent double standards. This behavior fell in line with national trends.

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I was aware of the research that showed greater gains in gender equality at work than at home. The men said they desired and respected these independent, high-achieving women and actually saw them as more compatible partners as a result. But they were wrong.

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In the process, many of the couples I spoke with incorporated the elements they felt were important to a successful relationship, emphasizing constant communication, evaluation, and negotiation. They expected women to walk a fine line between enough and too much sexual experience.

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The women I interviewed for a research project and book expected men to ask for, plan, and pay for dates; initiate sex; confirm the exclusivity of a relationship; and propose marriage. Just because I carry the penis does not mean that I need to buy your food for you. Yet, when they thought of equality among men and women, they focused more on professional opportunities than interpersonal dynamics.

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Not all of the heterosexual women I spoke with felt strongly about these dating rules. On dates, the women talked about acting demure, and allowing men to do more of the talking.

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While some liked paying for dates, feeling that the gesture was a nice way to show they cared, others were more resistant. Consequently, I expected the young women I interviewed to epitomize feminist liberation. They wanted no part of the dating scripts they saw as connected to gender inequality. Popular Latest.

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Most wanted equal partnerships where they could share both financial and family responsibilities. Almost none of my interviewees saw these dating practices as a threat to their feminist credentials or to their desire for egalitarian marriages.

Given the ificant time, money, and effort they put into building this career, the women I spoke with expected to partner with people who would support their ambitious professional goals. Because many LGBTQ relationships do not rely on well-established ideologies, norms are often considered, questioned, and then rejected, with the aim of making space for egalitarian practices instead.

If you want a marriage of equals, then date as equals

Men also wanted to be taller, stronger, and more masculine than their partners. After setting all of those precedents, these women then wanted a marriage in which they shared the financial responsibilities, housework, and child care relatively equally. And yet in a throwback to an earlier era, many women I spoke with enacted strict dating rules. Like for me to be out like this on this interview, I had to make sure there was dinner stuff for him.

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It would just be ridiculous if they were on a bended knee offering me a ring. Three-quarters of Millennials in America support gender equality at work and home and agree that the ideal marriage is an equitable one.

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The married men I interviewed often left caregiving and housework to the women, while the husbands considered themselves breadwinners and decision makers. But dating is a different story entirely. Heterosexual women of a progressive bent often say they want equal partnerships with men.

Americans with a college education now get married in their early 30s on average, as young adults put their love life on hold while they invest in their education and establish a career. Read: What I learned about equal-partnerships by studying dual-income couples. Once these women were married, it was difficult to right the ship, so to speak.

Why wealthy people may be less successful in love

And many of the men expected women to take their last names after marriage. The Atlantic Crossword. The same gender stereotypes that they adopted while dating played out in their long-term partnerships. This was not a cross section of America, for certain, but I did expect to hear progressive views. Curious to explore some of the reasons behind these s, I spent the past several years talking with people about their dating lives and what they wanted from their marriages and partnerships.

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The goal was greater individuality and equality, and they actively worked to balance their own needs with the needs of their partners. Women, they said, were more attractive to men when they appeared unattainable, so women preferred for the men to follow up after a date. As American time-use surveys show, women still do about twice as much unpaid labor in the home as men.