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I used to attract emotionally unavailable men. At the same point in my life, I was also really insecure about my body.


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They know how to push your buttons, hanging on one frayed, desperate thread, keeping you in their grasp, but never fully in their arms, their life or their priorities. Or take your candid, kind words of wisdom. While it might feel electric to always be on edge, wondering what they're doing or what they're thinking, an emotionally unavailable will never allow you to relax into the relationship.

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This article was originally published with the Good Men Project ; republished with the kindest permission.

What dating emotionally unavailable men is like

When you take their feelings and use them for ammunition or to prove a point, you are showing your partner it is not safe to share with you. Both partners need to be cultivating growth in the relationshippersonally and individually.

Do not throw anything your partner, husband, or wife has expressed back at them during an argument. Sile believes real happiness comes from being authentic, having healthy relationships and living with purpose. Taking ownership of your emotional responses means not blaming your partner for how you feel when they are triggered. While they are learning to be open and available, ensure you are busy making yourself happygiving yourself everything you need so your partner can stay on their journey without the need to withdraw because of added pressure.

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Is it a healthy outcome for you both or are you simply acting out? The Good Men Project. For someone to open up in a relationship it requires a receptive, supportive, and open space.

Tale-tell s you're dating an emotionally unavailable man

This means saying how you feel, rather than showing. You are both looking for and hoping to find something meaningful from the relationship, discuss this and whenever possible remind yourself you are both a team, not against each other—even if you see or do things differently.

All of these steps require you to really up your investment in yourself and the relationship.

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This is not an easy path, but it is a rewarding path for developing deeper connection and understanding between you and your partner. Listen instead of sharing your point.

So, why do we attract emotionally unavailable men?

Care to us? Give him or her room to discover this and compassion for how difficult this may be for them.

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Respect that each person has a way they processes, and so do you. This should help. Learn your triggers and vulnerabilities. Find us on Facebookand Twitter.

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These are your triggers. Specializing in personal development, helping you be your best self in life, business and relationships. First off, know yourself.

About the author

Communicating your feelings creates a dialog, punishing by behavior is a threat. About the Author: The Good Men Project We're having a conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Every time you act out or blame rather than share, you are creating an environment where your partner needs to shut down to stay safe. But knowing how to help an emotionally unavailable partner can be tough. I see this happen a lot in relationships; and every time someone tries to make themselves emotionally available only to get shut down unconsciously by his or her partner, it reinforces the belief that sharing is not helpful or safe.

When you fight, get clear about the outcome you want. Often it challenges the very person who wants him to be open—consequently, they unconsciously shut him down. Not anything! Leave judgement at the door and only bring compassion in.

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When you do, go back to your special someone, tell your partner how you made a mistake and demonstrate to them what openness and vulnerability looks like. Get to know more about Sile over at SileWalsh. This requires practice and you will get it wrong. He retreats and is even less likely to open up again.

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Here is an example:. Mostly, every step of the way, remind yourself and your partner of the love you feel and how this practice is ultimately about respecting that love. We're having a conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century.

How to Help an Emotionally Unavailable Partner.

How to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men

Get clear about what those topics are, list them out and own them. Sile Walsh is a passionate full-time transformation coach, author and speaker. Know that some topics and areas are going to create an automatic response and you need to develop emotional self-management around these.

Stop thinking your way is the right and only way.

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