This was precisely the scenario that Russell Clark and Elaine Hatfield set up in their now-famous study .
Regardless of what response you get to your straightforward questions, it's good to know his intentions in advance of sex, don't you agree? An average-looking female student approaches you on campus and says, "I've been noticing you around campus lately and find you very attractive. In Simpson, Jeffry A.
Anita E. Kelly, Ph. Back Psychology Today.
I then say to them, "Well, at least now you know that when a guy wants to have sex with you, it doesn't necessarily mean he likes you. So, if you happen to be a woman who is in love with a man who wants you to have sex with him, why not just ask him what his intentions are? Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?
Miller, L. On the dynamics of human bonding and reproductive success: Seeking windows on the adapted-for human-environmental interface. But then I say something like, "I should mention that those same studies asking men and women about their ideal of lifetime sexual partners have shown that the most common answer for both sexes is the same: it's one. Subscribe Issue Archive.
Men and women react very differently to offers of sex.
If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now. Back Get Help.
Verified by Psychology Today. The Danger of a Wandering Eye. Sex Essential Re. The Psychology of Sexual Regret. The average of the men's responses was more than 60, and the average of the women's responses was 2. Do Contraceptive Pills Affect Attraction?
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You Are Good Enough So you're not a "10" in every which way. Keep in mind that this involved average-looking male students approaching good-looking female students. Hope for a "Pregnant Girl". Get Listed Today. His response could be the cold water in your face that you might need.
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Clark, Russell D. Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers. Kelly Ph. About the Author. His more likely response is that he doesn't know.
He might actually tell you that he wants to sleep with you with no strings attached. Back Magazine.
Whenever I tell the undergraduates in my personality course about these findings, the female students invariably say, "This is depressing. Back Today.
These researchers set up the same scenario again, except this time the students who were approached were female, and the students doing the propositioning were male. He could even be one of those men whose ideal is one sexual partner for life. Read Next.
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But at least afterwards if you discover that he is seeing other people, he won't be able to say, "Who said anything about monogamy? How many women do you think said yes? And there is always that wonderful possibility that he could truthfully tell you that he's madly in love with you and wants to be your boyfriend.
Another study asked college men and women how many lifetime sexual partners they would ideally like to have . This surprising honestly from his thinking that you are more similar to him than you actually are, and that you might enjoy completely casual sex too.
Back Find a Therapist. He might even say that he has very strong feelings for you while shrugging his shoulders.
He might like you; it's just that his wanting sex doesn't tell you anything about his commitment to you. So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life.