Many people engage in kinky sex to try it out, to explore their sexuality and see what works for them, or to please a kinky partner. Then and only then would I bring up the fact that your sex life is a bit less kinky than it used to be — not as an accusation, but a genuine conversation starter.
Log in to write a response. Address. I was pretty excited about this as I was very interested in a lot of the same things but had never really had a chance to explore them in my relationships.
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I even think a bit of outside flirting can be good for a relationship. We use first-party cookies to allow visitors to log in to our website and read our articles.
Subscriptions Log in Subscribe Give a subscription. There are also some other possibilities: maybe there are external factors that are affecting her sexual desires, such as stress or body image — or just the fact that you are no longer in a brand pardon the pun spanking new relationship, and so the novelty has slightly worn off.
Given that she had more experience with kink than you, I wonder whether she was put in the teacher role of constantly exposing you to new sexual experiences and doing her best to make sure you got to explore your sexuality. Only then will you understand why your sex life has changed, and whether this shift is permanent or temporary.
She also has a few sex toys and would take them out and show me how to make her orgasm etc. Ask her how she feels about your sex life, about the slight shift recently, and whether she has any fantasies or desires she would like to try. Ask her if she feels like kink will continue to be a part of your sex life, and whether it will be regular or if she goes through phases with it.
I am not a burden because of my chronic illness (even though dating makes me feel like i am)
Or was she having sex that was a bit one-sided in terms of how much effort was being put in, and whose desires were being indulged? Did you do special things for her? City Desk. Did you ever ask? For the first six months of our relationship or so, our sex life was really fun and exciting, as she would dress up in lingerie and we tried some light BDSM and role play. Also in the 13 September issue. I understand.
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Do you have a question for Roe? Submit it anonymously at dublininquirer. How do I try get our sex life back to where it was? It makes the flirter feel a bit sexy and desired, and it can be a nice boost for their partner, if their partner can look at it as a compliment — the flirter is so fun and sexy that other people want them.
And then you can figure out if you and your partner have compatible visions of what your sex life will be — and where to go from there. Facebook Twitter Respond.
Understand your city. Which, by the way, can also be somewhat stressful.
Given that you have already just undergone a big change by moving in together, which can be stressful itself, that extra sense of insecurity is understandable. Which makes you special. You know what I find interesting about your letter? While you were having an incredible time having new experiences and learning new things, was it all as fun and novel for her? Ask her whether she enjoyed your few months of kinky sex, and if there was anything you could have done to make it more enjoyable for her.
When we first got together, we had very open conversations about our sexual past and desires, and she revealed that in the past, she had been quite kinky and engaged in a lot of role play, BDSM, some threesomes etc. If any of those reasons is at play, it could easily explain why your girlfriend is no longer particularly interested in engaging your every kinky desire. We're funded by readers like you.
Roe McDermott is a journalist, arts critic, Fulbright awardee and sex columnist from Dublin. Elsewhere Twitter Facebook Instagram. Filed under: Ask Roe. Reader responses.
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It sounds like it was this sociable, flirty energy that may have attracted you to your partner — but obviously, combined with the staying out late, it is now causing issues. The person the flirter has chosen. You were interested in trying BDSM and role play and seeing her in lingerie — what did she want? Log in Subscribe.
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